Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
