I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't deserve a penis
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize