Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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