someone threw a dead crab at me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
