she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
