guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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