haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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