The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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