I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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