woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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