you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
