Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize