you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
