i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
