Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
