P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
