I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
