all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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