we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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