I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
