Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
