it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
