It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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