I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
