PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Plan B is the new Plan A
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm like, not good at living.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
