considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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