As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
