so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
