In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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