i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
