I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize