Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
