i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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