i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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