He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
