do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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