Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
