Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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