I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
