Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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