You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize