so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
