don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
