And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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