How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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