Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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