TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
