If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
