Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize