And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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