i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
