when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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