I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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