So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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