Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
