Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
