are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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