I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
