It's like God shit irony all over that family
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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