I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
