I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
