I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
