If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
