I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
