he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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