It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
