Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
