So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
