Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
