You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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