Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
