Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
