My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize