sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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