Midget sex pt 2 tonight
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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