Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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