Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
