can u get pink eye on your cock?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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