Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
