Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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