Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
