Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
