If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
