I hate all girls vehemently.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
