I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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