Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
