You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
